July 4, 2008

Life is a big joke with no punchline. I once put chapstick on my eyelids before.
I like to ride bikes underwater in the pool because when you ride them, you do an instant wheelie.
I used to bring weights in my car to try to work out and drive at the same time, until I started doing ab crunches and almost killed myself. It also looked like I was giving invisible Blow J’s if you didn’t ‘guess’ that I was doing ab crunches in my car.I’m allergic to alcohol so I don’t drink too much. I have asthma so I don’t really smoke. My car sucks so I can’t really speed. I don’t really have money so I don’t really get girls. I’m basically a monk with computer. I’ve accidentally asked a girl how many months pregnant she was when she wasn’t at all. I felt really really bad at first, but then I got mad that she was tricking people visually. There should be a law against that.
I never got called to jury duty but I know my dad uses the excuse that he is ‘racist’ and ‘hates black people’. I guess thats the one time that being a racist in front of a crowd is a good thing. I like to collect large popcorn bags from theaters. I want to try standup comedy but I don’t like to stand or please the audience. I want to punch a twin.Facebook’s contribution to society is ‘it’s complicated’.